I am a list person. Lots of people have told me that they are also ‘list people’. I think maybe that’s because people like to have an idea of what they’re getting themselves into before they do it. List-writing is certainly a form of preparation that can help us be more efficient, but that doesn’t fully explain the sense of comfort and the release of anxiety that it can grant. List-writing can also be a form of procrastination (don’t I know it!), along the lines of “all talk and no action,” or always talking about being a writer but never actually writing anything. (Is writing about writing good or bad?)
Today I am going to make a list of steps that I can take on the path to writing a (terrible) novel. It should be noted for the sake of any readers who do not know me personally that the novel in question has already been started, but is still really more of an idea, and may evolve into something entirely unexpected (which would be great). To begin, here are some things that I should probably do:
- Define my setting! Despite being a work of fiction, the novel clearly takes place in that magical time period of all fantasy novels where there is no electricity and everyone rides around on horses. I think it’s usually a reflection of the 17th/18th century, somewhere in Europe.
- Read that history book I bought that is in a box somewhere in this house.
- Read a biography about a person who lived in my chosen setting.
- Re-consider my character names, as they were pulled out of my ass (rather than researched and well-considered) during the first draft.
These ideas are mostly derived from a book I am currently reading, and bought as an e-book on a whim thanks to Kobo’s advertising scheme to ruin my budgeting: Medieval Underpants and Other Blunders: A Writer’s (& Editor’s) Guide to Keeping Historical Fiction Free of Common Anachronisms, Errors, & Myths, by Susanne Alleyn. Actually, it only cost about four dollars. It’s quite entertaining, and a good starting point I think if you’re not a history expert and would like to know what sort of mistakes you’re about to make. I recommend it to anyone who is now about to google what kind of underwear the people of Medieval times wore out of sheer curiosity.
Other things I need to do along the road to novel-dom:
- Revisit what I’ve learned about mythology and re-write this myth. As my novel is heavily supported by it’s fictional religion, I need to actually write that religion first. I did write a draft of a creation myth, but didn’t like it. I may re-write without looking at the first, and then go back when I’m done.
- Sketch out an exciting plot the way you would tell a story to a child: and then this happened, and then that happened, and then they got lost..!
- Re-write my character sketches.
- Actually write a fake scene to test my characters.
- Write a list of my favourite parts from my favourite novels. I can’t wait to do this one actually, and will probably make this my next post 😉
How to Write a Terrible Novel 
Excellent list. I’ve been hanging around the medieval and renaissance club here so let me know if you would like to do “research” along the lines of running around in costumes and having sword fights when I get back. I’m sure it would help with the realism.
Larping is definitely writer’s research.
On a completely unrelated note I’d like to point out how we have almost the same profile picture in reverse. It looks neat.
One of my favorite lists to make is “Things I like to read about.” Mine usually has things like pirates, magical animals, and fairytale adventures, then I think up ideas for stories based on parts of the list. Maybe this story would be about a girl who wants to be a pirate, has a talking seagull for a pet, and finds a boat that isn’t too big or too small but is “just right.”
As for character names, try using a different letter of the alphabet for each character. Little Lacey Dauntless will not be swashing buckles with Longjohn Lawrence in my story. The names get muddled by the readers when they skim across the sentence.
Good luck!